dream journal

I dreamt that I was visiting my hometown, and she came to my parents' house (it was their house but not really their house you know dreams) to see me. We were alone, and we sat on the couch. First a few feet apart, then quickly, as though it were inevitable, as though it were a joke we were both in on to be near each other and not touching, we pulled each other closer like we once did, and interlocked our bodies in a comfortable embrace as close as we could be to one another. She started showing me baby pictures she had brought of her daughter and we were smiling and flirting. I said, "You know I've seen some of these before." I said it because I didn't want her to think I'd forgotten. And she said wryly (how's that for a pun?), putting the pictures aside, "Oh well I didn't know you wouldn't want to look at them again." She said it jokingly and I said, "Of course I do," reaching across her to pick up the pictures again, "I just said it so you'd know." When I reached across her our faces were inches from each other and she gave me her furrow-browed, eyes wide open stare/smile that basically melted me. It's one of a few looks she has that could get me to do anything. I can't remember if we kissed in the dream, unfortunately, but I think we did.

Then suddenly I realized that I had old friends who were coming to visit. It was friends from my childhood and they were at the door. I ran to the door, and while I was disappointed we were being interrupted I was secretly happy to be able to introduce her to other people I knew. It was not a pleasure I ever really had. So at first it was six people that I used to know. When I started to introduce them though, I couldn't remember all of their names. I said, "Everyone this is my friend S, she just stopped by to visit me too. S this is..." and I couldn't remember my friends' names. I was getting them all confused and in the dream it was because I couldn't think about anything other than the fact that she was with me, that we were together for a brief moment and we were near each other and she was happy with me. I was so dizzy (I got physically dizzy in the dream) from her glances that I couldn't remember anyone else. Then other people appeared. It was a lot of people from the church I grew up in. "I didn't realize there'd be so many people here," I said. I was thinking, Oh no all these people are going to want to talk to me, but the next thing I remember is that the house was more or less filled with people, and they were conversing with one another, like a regular party, having drinks and eating cake. I couldn't find S and I was afraid she had left. I ran around the house looking for her, upstairs, downstairs. Then as I was coming back up from the basement, into the living room, I saw her walking toward the couch and my heart was relieved. I didn't want her to leave without saying goodbye. And I was so glad to see her again, cause each time it was like waking up to a brand new beautiful day. A woman in a chair near the couch, she was my pastor's wife when I was a kid, picked up a photo album from the floor and said, "You got a lotta pictures of you as a baby for some reason." S and I looked at each other and laughed and I explained, "No no no. Those aren't me. My friend here just brought pictures of her baby to share with me." I picked them up and the last thing I remember before waking up is seeing S's face, as we smiled at one another. We were surrounded by people, but all I could see was her. And in the dream I could see in her eyes that she felt the same.

I can't sleep at the moment.

Some dream.