What Leonard Cohen has to say

"Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin.

Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in.

Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove.

Dance me to the end of love.

Let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone. 

Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon.

Show me, slowly, what I only know the limits of.

Dance me to the end of love.

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on.

Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long.

We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above.

Dance me to the end of love.

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born.

Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn.

Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn.

Dance me to the end of love.

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin.

Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in.

Touch me with your naked hand, touch me with your glove.

Dance me to the end of love."

The Old Mystical-Experience-While-You're-In-The-Ocean Routine

     The ocean was so tranquil today. I stepped into it and my feet were covered by glass. Cool glittering glass. The water was the clearest I have seen it. It enticed me deeper like a sweet mistress. I sought the place where the clearness ended, but did not find it. Instead I found a small fish swimming alone and coming to the end of the ocean. I was waist-deep and I followed him for many wading water-weighted steps. The fish was wandering gaily. He disappeared while waves pushed on us. The surface of the sea looked like liquid rippled glasswater. The flowing dirt floor that cradled it was checkered by light shafts and beams never bending but seemingly bent. I could see through the light of the water to the ground where dirt billowed upward and sank back down stolidly like a crumbling cloud. The dirt was mauled by my footsteps. And where my feet did not trod the floor lay still, line after line after infinite (ending somewhere) line. My steps were quite small and the dirt did not mind. The waves that came in were waves that did not break. They didn't topple. They didn't froth. They were the calmest waves I've ever been bashed with. These waves were like the kisses on a cold cheek. Like being tucked into a fiery bed with an icy blanket. Each placid lap stroked me coolly like it were the other side of the pillow.
     I stood and was continuously drawn deeper and deeper, outer and outer, and as I stood I looked into the water and I could see/feel that drowning would nearly have been nothing. Nothing at all.
     So then I sat down and felt overcome. The whole ocean was like one river and I was like a stone in the riverbed that was unworriedly and unhurriedly being transformed into liquid.

---

There is no moral. Simply put, there was the sun, the fish and all my surroundings and water "and it stoned me."

It's interesting to try and pinpoint exactly when my life became Zoloft with a whiskey chaser.

Great Moments In 21st Century History

Really? So not only is shit fucked up, but it's also bullshit?

All right.

This one's for you, Sali.

     "In the nine o'clock twilight, as I approached the school building from across the street, there was a light on the orthopedic appliances shop. I was startled to see a live person in the shopcase, a hefty girl of about thirty, in a green, yellow and lavender chiffon dress. She was changing the truss on the wooden dummy. As I came up to the shop window, she had evidently just taken off the old truss; it was under her left arm (her right 'profile' was toward me), and she was lacing up the new one on the dummy. I stood watching her, fascinated, till suddenly she sensed, then saw, that she was being watched. I quickly smiled-- to show her that this was a non-hostile figure in the tuxedo in the twilight on the other side of the glass-- but it did no good. The girl's confusion was out of all normal proportion. She blushed, she dropped the removed truss, she stepped back on a stack of irrigation basins-- and her feet went out from under her. I reached out to her instantly, hitting the tips of my fingers on the glass. She landed heavily on her bottom, like a skater. She immediately got to her feet without looking at me. Her face still flushed, she pushed her hair back with one hand, and resumed lacing up the truss on the dummy. It was just then that I had my Experience. Suddenly (and I say this, I believe, with all due self-consciousness), the sun came up and sped toward the bridge of my nose at the rate of ninety-three million miles a second. Blinded and very frightened-- I had to put my hand on the glass to keep my balance. The thing lasted for no more than a few seconds. When I got my sight back, the girl had gone from the window, leaving behind her a shimmering field of exquisite, twice-blessed, enamel flowers.

     "I backed away from the window and walked around the block twice, till my knees stopped buckling. Then, without daring to venture another look into the shop window, I went upstairs to my room and lay down on my bed. Some minutes, or hours later, I made, in French, the following brief entry in my diary: 'I am giving Sister Irma her freedom to follow her own destiny. Everybody is a nun.' (Tout le monde est une nonne.)" - J.D. Salinger

Great Moments In 21st Century Marketing

Nissan has introduced a commercial where a plane with malfunctioning landing gear is able to ground safely by maneuvering its front wheels into the bed of a truck driving along the landing strip in front of it.

Are you fucking kidding me?
I'd rather be squirted in the eye with cum from the Hunchback of Notre Dame than be subjected to watching that bullshit again.

Great Moments In 21st Century History

"[On Obama and Boehner playing golf together] That'd be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu... Come on. In the country this shape is in- the shape this country's in I mean." - Hank Williams, Jr

Hank Williams, Sr. fathering Hank Williams, Jr. is like an incomparably brilliant songwriter fathering a talentless fuckstick of an asshole son whose service to the country would be better off spent sucking the flaccid cocks of every disgruntled horse kept in a zoo across this entire nation rather than in transcribing another nanosecond of his music to record.