I can't fucking wait to be in Spain.

night beads

I ask you... If you can't trust a 40-year-old Iranian divorcee with a beauty like the sunset and skin soft as lapping waves that makes out with you off and on for hours and clings tightly round your arm, holds your hand and spreads her tongue in you... who can you trust?

Women.

a fiery ocean as the sunset

I became a child today for a few moments when I watched the sun setting from a cliff. There was a point where the cobalt blue ocean waves were riding furiously in unison toward the shore and upon its back the goldenbrass beams of sunlight were rushing with it, spreading along its crest like very deep flames. The sunlight was like molten waves and if one had no sense of the properties of light and water, as a child, one would've been mesmerized. For a few moments I hadn't eaten of the apple and I was singed pure by the fiery wavetops that spread and crashed. Golden blue lightening waves.
It was quite beautiful.

R.I.P. Slim Dunkin'.

I'm still on fire inside. Burning like a fire in uninhabited woods.

http://www.concertscruise.com/

Dare I dream?

a hot mess

They're capturing light now... Sweet.

click here

Great Moments In 21st Century Television

"Marcel Proust wrote a seven volume classic, Remembrance Of Things Past. He took a bite of a madeleine, it's a kind of a tea cookie he used to have when he was a child, and that one bite unleashed a tide of memories of his childhood and ultimately of his entire life."

"This sounds very gay. I hope that's not what you're saying."

some precious prose

"O bitter ending! I'll slip away before they're up. They'll never see. Nor know. Nor miss me. And it's old and old it's sad and old it's sad and weary I go back to you, my cold father, my cold mad father, my cold mad feary father, till the near sight of the mere size of him, the moyles and moyles of it, moananoaning, makes me seasilt saltsick and I rush, my only, into your arms. I see them rising! Save me from those therrble prongs! Two more. Onetwo moremens more. So. Avelaval. My leaves have drifted from me. All. But one clings still. I'll bear it on me. To remind me of. Lff! So soft this morning ours. Yes. Carry me along, taddy, like you done through the toy fair. If I seen him bearing down on me now under whitespread wings like he'd come from Arkangels, I sink I'd die down over his feet, humbly dumbly, only to washup. Yes, tid. There's where. First. We pass through grass behush the bush to. Whish! A gull. Gulls. Far calls. Coming, far! End here. Us then. Finn, again! Take. Bussoftlhee, mememormee! Till thousendsthee. Lps. The keys to. Given! A way a lone a last a loved a long the riverrun"

So I says to my therapist, I says...

like a fat fucking bananafish:

"If I said to any of my friends that I was thinking about stabbing a long sharp knife through my throat, they'd just take it the wrong way."

What Joan Armatrading has to say...

"I'm not the sort of person who falls in and quickly out of love.
But to you I gave my affection right from the start.
I have a lover who loves me; how could I break such a heart?
Yet still you get my attention.

Why do you come here when you know I've got troubles enough?
Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone?
Make me lie when I don't want to, and make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool,
you make me stay when I should not,
are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?
Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by?
I need to see you.
I need to hold you tightly.

Feeling guilty, worried, waking from tormented sleep.
This old love has me bound but the new love cuts deep.
If I choose now, I'll lose out.
One of you has to fall.
And I need you. And you.

Why do you come here when you know I've got troubles enough?
Why do you call me when you know I can't answer the phone?
Make me lie when I don't want to, and make someone else some kind of an unknowing fool,
you make me stay when I should not,
are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?
Why do you come here and pretend to be just passing by?
I need to see you.

I need to hold you tightly."

Great Moments In 20th Century Film

"Hungarians don't have pronouns."
"Apparently they don't have fucking doors either!"

Great Moments In 21st Century History

Great Moments In 21st Century Film

"They took my penis."

What Jeff Buckley and my 3-year-old nephew have to say

"Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners.
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water. Maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong. But tonight you're on my mind so, you'll never know.

Every inch of me is filled with pain, oh you should've come over.
Too young to hold on and too old to break free and run.
Burning in the corner is the only one who wants you with him.
My body turns and yearns for sleep that will never come.
My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder.
It's never over.
It's never over.
all my blood for the memories and the sweetness of her laughter.
It's never over.
Maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong.
I feel too young to hold on.
I'm much too old to break free and run.
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage I've done.
Sweet lover, you should've come over.


My broken bones can smell the rain and they're aching to recover.
And the rain I want to come down fast like kisses on my skin.
But it passed me by and it left me dry.
Lover, you should've come over.


Broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it.
Where are you tonight child, you know how much I need you.

Well I wait and I burn.

Will I ever see your return?

Lover, you should've come over.

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in.
It's never over.
All my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her.
She's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever.

Lover, you should've come over.


Well I wait, I burn.
Will I ever see your return?

Lover, you should've come over."

---


My ten-year-old niece asked me what my tattoo says and my 3-year-old nephew ran his little index finger along it saying, "It says, 'I, love, you.' "

And I told him he was right, of course.


---


Today the sky is blue metallic gray and there is a constant wind that is deathly blowing. I wish it would take me. It was like the ocean that day that the ocean was my lover for a moment and if it killed me, as love has, then it would have been proper. Being forever frozen doesn't seem so bad. Numb cold.


---


I flew over the grand canyon at sunset. My mind recalled the old legend that the giant Paul Bunyan had dragged his ax behind him across the land to form that place. And I thought of all the giants that have stood, on this land and all lands, both figurative and literal, that have dragged their giant axes across space and across time and split the souls of men, trekked the hearts of the willing, carved us all into what we are. I was grateful and desirous of being a giant. I wrote a nonsense poem as I stared out the window and James Joyce cut into my brain and my heart. 


Think Again's Wake


Gentle gentle and super-
mental I lie down to heart
my sentel uh gram
of coke puffff of smoke cancee a joke
to toke or night to toke. Croke.


---

I recall that one of the saints, perhaps Peter or Paul, told in a letter of his longing for death to be brought back to God rather than continue to toil on earth, but he was accepting of his lot.

Great Moments In 20th Century Film

What Monty Python has to say

"Schumann, Schubert, Mendelssohn and Bach. Names that will live forever. But there is one composer whose name is never included with the greats. Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwüstle-gespurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittle-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?"

a Cuban in Mexico

to the unknown woman with ripe curly toes, to the missing half

Your firm pillowy body once placed me on clouds. As warm as you felt and as soft and vehemently as we melded you turned back to marble. My fire was not hot enough, my breath was not sweet enough, my arms were not strong enough. Were my eyes not drunk enough? I remember your soul and your heart and your thoughts like they were clear icy water found desperately in a desiccated desert. I type your words upon my brain and the ink is the only moisture I now know. It is a filthy, aching thing to live your life not knowing if the words you've heard are true.

You used to sit upon my lap coaxing my imploring bones or lay beneath my pounding frame and meet me inside outside and all around each other, clinging tightly to my muscles and my dreams, while my heart was yours.

We used to be the rain and the sun and the moon and the stars and the passionate wind for and inside of each other. Your wetness was my soul's ocean. We were jokes and falling leaves and toys and growing grass and fears and flames and secret kisses, secret handholds, secret glances, smiles and pecks on the round cheeks. We were a secret understanding. We were one. You made me feel like all things silly and beautiful and good.

I miss my heart.

And this shall mean nothing to no one.

---

"God have mercy on a man who doubts what he's sure of."

---

I need a blow job.

I committed a sin today.

For several moments I envied a homeless man.

Is ignorance bliss?

Could blindness be a virtue?

Great Moments In 21st Century History

"Audit Of Department Of Justice Conference Planning And Food And Beverage Costs"

Another all-too-real headline...

"The Fourteenth Annual Kennedy Center Mark Twain Prize celebrating the life and humor of Will Ferrell."


Are you fucking shitting me?!


Sometimes, I swear to God, it's like the Universe is barfing directly into my mouth.

What Leonard Cohen has to say

"Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin.

Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in.

Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove.

Dance me to the end of love.

Let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone. 

Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon.

Show me, slowly, what I only know the limits of.

Dance me to the end of love.

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on.

Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long.

We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above.

Dance me to the end of love.

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born.

Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn.

Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn.

Dance me to the end of love.

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin.

Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in.

Touch me with your naked hand, touch me with your glove.

Dance me to the end of love."

The Old Mystical-Experience-While-You're-In-The-Ocean Routine

     The ocean was so tranquil today. I stepped into it and my feet were covered by glass. Cool glittering glass. The water was the clearest I have seen it. It enticed me deeper like a sweet mistress. I sought the place where the clearness ended, but did not find it. Instead I found a small fish swimming alone and coming to the end of the ocean. I was waist-deep and I followed him for many wading water-weighted steps. The fish was wandering gaily. He disappeared while waves pushed on us. The surface of the sea looked like liquid rippled glasswater. The flowing dirt floor that cradled it was checkered by light shafts and beams never bending but seemingly bent. I could see through the light of the water to the ground where dirt billowed upward and sank back down stolidly like a crumbling cloud. The dirt was mauled by my footsteps. And where my feet did not trod the floor lay still, line after line after infinite (ending somewhere) line. My steps were quite small and the dirt did not mind. The waves that came in were waves that did not break. They didn't topple. They didn't froth. They were the calmest waves I've ever been bashed with. These waves were like the kisses on a cold cheek. Like being tucked into a fiery bed with an icy blanket. Each placid lap stroked me coolly like it were the other side of the pillow.
     I stood and was continuously drawn deeper and deeper, outer and outer, and as I stood I looked into the water and I could see/feel that drowning would nearly have been nothing. Nothing at all.
     So then I sat down and felt overcome. The whole ocean was like one river and I was like a stone in the riverbed that was unworriedly and unhurriedly being transformed into liquid.

---

There is no moral. Simply put, there was the sun, the fish and all my surroundings and water "and it stoned me."

It's interesting to try and pinpoint exactly when my life became Zoloft with a whiskey chaser.

Great Moments In 21st Century History

Really? So not only is shit fucked up, but it's also bullshit?

All right.

This one's for you, Sali.

     "In the nine o'clock twilight, as I approached the school building from across the street, there was a light on the orthopedic appliances shop. I was startled to see a live person in the shopcase, a hefty girl of about thirty, in a green, yellow and lavender chiffon dress. She was changing the truss on the wooden dummy. As I came up to the shop window, she had evidently just taken off the old truss; it was under her left arm (her right 'profile' was toward me), and she was lacing up the new one on the dummy. I stood watching her, fascinated, till suddenly she sensed, then saw, that she was being watched. I quickly smiled-- to show her that this was a non-hostile figure in the tuxedo in the twilight on the other side of the glass-- but it did no good. The girl's confusion was out of all normal proportion. She blushed, she dropped the removed truss, she stepped back on a stack of irrigation basins-- and her feet went out from under her. I reached out to her instantly, hitting the tips of my fingers on the glass. She landed heavily on her bottom, like a skater. She immediately got to her feet without looking at me. Her face still flushed, she pushed her hair back with one hand, and resumed lacing up the truss on the dummy. It was just then that I had my Experience. Suddenly (and I say this, I believe, with all due self-consciousness), the sun came up and sped toward the bridge of my nose at the rate of ninety-three million miles a second. Blinded and very frightened-- I had to put my hand on the glass to keep my balance. The thing lasted for no more than a few seconds. When I got my sight back, the girl had gone from the window, leaving behind her a shimmering field of exquisite, twice-blessed, enamel flowers.

     "I backed away from the window and walked around the block twice, till my knees stopped buckling. Then, without daring to venture another look into the shop window, I went upstairs to my room and lay down on my bed. Some minutes, or hours later, I made, in French, the following brief entry in my diary: 'I am giving Sister Irma her freedom to follow her own destiny. Everybody is a nun.' (Tout le monde est une nonne.)" - J.D. Salinger

Great Moments In 21st Century Marketing

Nissan has introduced a commercial where a plane with malfunctioning landing gear is able to ground safely by maneuvering its front wheels into the bed of a truck driving along the landing strip in front of it.

Are you fucking kidding me?
I'd rather be squirted in the eye with cum from the Hunchback of Notre Dame than be subjected to watching that bullshit again.

Great Moments In 21st Century History

"[On Obama and Boehner playing golf together] That'd be like Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu... Come on. In the country this shape is in- the shape this country's in I mean." - Hank Williams, Jr

Hank Williams, Sr. fathering Hank Williams, Jr. is like an incomparably brilliant songwriter fathering a talentless fuckstick of an asshole son whose service to the country would be better off spent sucking the flaccid cocks of every disgruntled horse kept in a zoo across this entire nation rather than in transcribing another nanosecond of his music to record.

This Just In

A woman in Saudi Arabia was found guilty. Of driving.

Shema, the accused, was sentenced to ten lashes. But the king of Saudi Arabia was magnanimous enough to overturn the ruling.

Pink Cadillac

what if the serpent in Genesis represents the penis and the apple represents the vagina?

---

Naw. Men would have to stop blaming women for the Fall.

Great Moments In 20th Century Film

speeding ticket

The CERN in Switzerland measured the time it took for neutrinos to travel to another laboratory located in Italy. The neutrinos showed up in Italy 60 billionths of a second earlier than they would have if they had traveled at the speed of light.

Meaning the neutrinos traveled faster than the speed of light.

---

They measured this some 16,000 times, hoping to find an error.
They recently released their research because they couldn't find an error and are hoping somebody else will.

Ting-a-ling.

Great Moments In 21st Century Marketing

The headline for a jewelry ad:
"Scientists finally reveal the secret to a happy marriage!"

What Sinéad O'Connor has to say

"Too many people forget how important it is to be silly. Well... when I get depressed or suicidal from now on, I'm going to use humour to get myself out of it. So now, the funny story I promised you. A story of Ireland if ever there was one. One of my best female friends has a sister who was married all her life to a proper arse-hole who took a job in Copenhagen for a few years when the kids were grown up and came home once a month or so for a few days. One weekend he came home, spent the weekend shagging his missus and then announced that he had a woman in Copenhagen and wouldn't be coming back again to his wife. Needless to say she was rent, but after some time she met a man and fell in lust/love. At this time she was 68.
One night an ambulance had to be called because she had had a suspected heart attack during a lovemaking session in the first days of the affair. The hospital ran test after test and could find no evidence of a heart attack or any other health problem and for days just couldn't figure out what on earth had happened to her. Finally a psychologist and a heart doctor sat with her and by the time they'd finished quizzing her they reached the conclusion that in fact she had had an orgasm. The poor woman had never in 40 years of marriage to the idiot husband had an orgasm, nor even knew what one was."

Blowin' Your Mind!

I'll spend the rest of my life contemplating the existence of the word "nounal".

It's an adjective meaning "of or resembling a noun."

Nightmares are a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake.

You know that feeling of being desired by someone?

Yeah, neither do I.

Great Moments In 21st Century History

"We'll listen politely to what he [President Obama] has to say and take a look at it, but our view is that we need to go in an entirely different direction..." - Mitch McConnell


Mitch McConnell is a gaping, patronizing asshole that should be skull-fucked by Samson and Conan the Barbarian whilst Caligula stands behind and penetrates him with a rugged jagged branch crawling with furious fiery red ants.

There are few things comparable to sliding through a giant city at night when all electricity is lost. Like a soundless, boundless pod gliding through headlight-lit space that unfolds in front of you.

I made eye contact with a dead deer the other night and passed many moments in silence for him.

A six-year-old asked her mother: "What does 'infinity' mean?"

"You write from the point of view that you are searching but you're actually not. But in order to be able to write something... write a story or write a song... you have to pretend you are. Cause otherwise there's nothing to write about. So you have to pretend that there is something that you're searching for... If you said 'I've arrived. And I've nowhere to go now' then you've got a blank piece of paper." - VM

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

California Cryobank Sperm Donor Compensation

Although compensation / reimbursement should not be the only reason for becoming a sperm donor, we are aware of the considerable time and expense involved in being a donor. The first reimbursement payments will be received after your new sperm donor number is assigned. California Cryobank sperm donors will be reimbursed up to $100 per donation and up to $1200 a month by donating 3 times a week. We periodically offer incentives such as movie tickets or gift certificates for extra time and effort expended by participating sperm donors.

speak to me

I walked away from the reading in twilight. A gray cable box standing up from the ground just off the sidewalk had this graffiti scrawled on it:

"Plant a tree for once in your life"

Often I hear everything talking to me at once, and always in urgency. It can be quite debilitating.

I've discovered a course given online by Harvard professor Michael Sandel. It is really beautiful to me and its speaking is not urgent but gentle. I rather love it.

what David Foster Wallace has to say

"The next real literary 'rebels' in this country might well emerge as some weird bunch of anti-rebels, born oglers who dare somehow to back away from ironic watching, who have the childish gall actually to endorse and instantiate single-entendre principles. Who treat plain old untrendy human troubles and emotions in U.S. life with reverence and conviction. Who eschew self-consciousness and hip fatigue. These anti-rebels would be outdated, of course, before they even started. Dead on the page. Too sincere. Clearly repressed. Backward, quaint, naive, anachronistic. Maybe that’ll be the point. Maybe that’s why they’ll be the next real rebels. Real rebels, as far as I can see, risk disapproval. The old postmodern insurgents risked the gasp and squeal: shock, disgust, outrage, censorship, accusations of socialism, anarchism, nihilism. Today’s risks are different. The new rebels might be artists willing to risk the yawn, the rolled eyes, the cool smile, the nudged ribs, the parody of gifted ironists, the “Oh how banal.” To risk accusations of sentimentality, melodrama. Of overcredulity. Of softness. Of willingness to be suckered by a world of lurkers and starers who fear gaze and ridicule above imprisonment without law. Who knows."

Much Obliged To Gina...

for this photograph from Atlanta.

Which I doctored so as to be even more realistic than reality.

You know what I miss?

That unclear blue-white-gray color, hazy and tense, that smogs the crystal air's surface during dusk in a wintry time. It floats above the snow on the ground, a dull electric gossamer perimeter for a sky.

---

Is a joke still a joke if nobody understands it?

one side of a two-sided story

I can't be positive but I think I was repeatedly cock-blocked tonight by my female coworker who is/was attracted to me.

There is nothing worse than being attracted to the bartender. She had sleeve tattoos, chin-length black hair and she was gorgeous. Hitting on the bartender is the impossible move. So I simply sank admirably into her beauty. I didn't want to take my eyes off her.

An older man who was clearly clutching and tapping on his dick as he sat next to me, which I pointed out to my friend, told me he didn't care for being made fun of and "... unless you wanna taste the back of my elbow..." I assured him I didn't, and was only pointing out his rather lurid gesture.
I guess he thought I'd be intimidated. He just changed seats.

Anyway.
This is the best sentence, among many great ones, that I overheard tonight: "Why fight when you can eat ass and pussy all day?"

One other thing...

In Portland, I found the way to happiness.

Literally.

"Sometimes I live in the country,
sometimes I live in the town.
Sometimes I have a great notion
I'm gonna jump in the river and drown.

Irene, goodnight.
Irene, goodnight.
Goodnight, Irene.
Goodnight, Irene.
I'll see you in my dreams."

here's what i would like to do...

drink until i sink into the ocean at midnight.

joseph campbell.

He died eight months after i was born.

but i think he was me.

when I googled "Is suicide a sin"

"Since you did not get your salvation by what you did, you can not lose it by what you do."

no, it isn't lionel richie.

it's Creflo A. Dollar, an evangelist preacher.


The A stands for asshole...
This guy is a fat asshole.

My So-Called Mid-Life Crisis

I am grateful to life for its fleeting memories of affection.
I am grateful to the ocean for its haunting, forever aimless stretch.
I am grateful to its waves and it depths and its creatures and its colors and its fanciful fantasies that it carries on its crests, fantasies of floating effortlessly to the shores of a distant island, uninhabited, that I might blanket myself with its sun and sand and green dark sylvan shade.
Grateful to the waterfall that pounds its life persistently into the stone and ash of eons, as if fighting back.
Grateful to Ireland for being a land of water, of green vast rolling plains with veins of liquid crystal coursing.
My veins course only with dirt. Dirt comes from me and it spills as mud from my wet tongue when I speak to no one and anyone.
To regret every word you speak is a burden.
I am a sensitive pile of brush and dirt that the slightest display of affection ignites.
And I am ashamed.
Ashamed to be so grateful.
I am grateful for every smile, every joke, every drink of water, every cloud and every sunray, every hand and finger and every breath breathed upon or near me. Grateful for it all.
"If it rained an ocean, I'd drink it dry and lay me down dissatisfied."
I'm ashamed to be so grateful.
To the point that all I am grateful for I am also bitter towards.

I don't think I should exist. This type of thing should not exist.

---

"Down at the bottom of that dirty old river,
down where the reeds and the catfish play,
there lies a dream as soft as the water,
there lies a bluebird that's flown away.

To meet is like springtime and to love's like the summer.
Her brown eyes shone for nobody but me.
In autumn forever, the fool come a-fallin',
and the rain turned to freezin' inside of me.

I'll kindle my fires with the words I can't send you
and the roads I can't follow and the songs I can't sing.
I'll wander alone on the sleigh bells of winter
with the stars for a diamond and the world for a ring.

All you young ladies who dream of tomorrow,
while you're listenin' these words will I say:
Cling to today with its joy and its sorrow,
you'll need all your memories when youth melts away.

The angel of springtime, he rides down the south wind.
The angel of summer, he does just the same.
The angel of autumn, she's blue and she's golden.
The angel of winter won't remember your name.

Down at the bottom of that dirty old river,

down where the reeds and the catfish play,

there lies a dream as soft as the water,

there lies a bluebird that's flown away."

"All the way from Oregon."

I can guarantee what Percy R Kelly said after he laid this . . .

"You are my number one hit!"

"Yes I received your letter yesterday,
about the time the door knob broke.
When you asked me how I was doing,
was that some kind of joke?
All these people that you mention,
yes I know them, they're quite lame.
I had to rearrange their faces
and give them all another name.
Right now I can't read too good,
don't send me no more letters, no.
Not unless you mail them from
desolation row."

Downloading Jeff Buckley's work.

It was the right time.

"Ribbons of love
please keep me true sane
until I reach home on the morrow.
Never, never to wander again,
I’m weak and I’m weary of sorrow.

London to Dublin,
Australia to Perth.
I gazed at your sky,
I tasted your earth.
Sung out my heart
for what it was worth.
Never again shall I ramble.

There’s nowhere left
in this world where to go.
My arms, my legs they’re a-tremblin’.
Thoughts both clouded and blue as the sky,
not even worth the remembrin’.

Now as I stumble
and reel to my bed,
all that I’ve done
all that I’ve said
means nothin’ to me
I’d soon as be dead,
all of this world be forgotten.

No words of comfort
No words of advice.
Nothin’ to offer a stranger.
Gone the love, gone the spite.
It just doesn’t matter no longer.

My sky’s getting far,
the ground’s gettin’ close.
My self goin’ crazy
the way that it does.
I’ll lie on my pillow
and sleep if I must.
Too late to wish I’d been stronger.
Too late to wish I’d been stronger ."

The Guy That Died And, More Importantly, The Things He Saw Before His Death

I saw Leo Tolstoy in downtown Portland, Oregon.

I saw myself driving through the thick forest country and recognized that ambition has deserted me. It stirred in me the need for a torrential cry, and the water has been amassed along my dull eyes since then, refusing to fall. I desired to cry and I couldn't. Just as I desired to come and I couldn't.

I see in every gesture and hear in every word of every person the secret wailings of their heart that they themselves sometimes cannot. I wish I were a bandage the size of a human heart and not a person. Then perhaps I might be useful.

I see what Townes Van Zandt saw. I see what Salinger saw.

I saw lightness of spirit in a person so entangled in unlove and I saw how lightness gets strangled out so acutely. I saw my own entanglements like seaweed dragging behind my sailboat.

I have been everywhere and I have felt everything.

I saw a poor heart, as I have seen in few others, deserving and desirous of a place to stand and commune with the universe and with the heart of another. A heart trampled by the beguilement of others who hold no true sense of communion. But a heart beguiled, like a cascading waterfall, is unclimbable. I see selfless people existing in a selfish world and feel sickness.

I see too much. I see so much that I see things that are not there.

I saw a friend. I saw goodbye like a death sentence.

I caught a disease in Oregon. Not Giardia, but Rex's blues.

I saw Leo Tolstoy in downtown Portland, Oregon standing somewhere between the street corner and the fourth plane, and I prayed to join him, but felt quite harshly the impossibility of that.

I saw the problem.

I saw that the problem is that I was not built to last.

Perhaps I was not built at all.

On the plane ride home I sat next to a little girl named Hope.  She spoke to me of her cats and her brothers and her deep sea search for her gum in her purse. She searched all the purse's pockets to no avail and then turned the purse round and round, this time only sniffing the pockets for traces of her peppermint gum. I wondered deeply, "Does this have any significance?"

Sitting next to hope, I mean.

---

"Sorrow and solitude;

these are the precious things.

And the only words

that are worth remembrin'."

"Brother flower, are you listening?
Let me sing a song for you.
Brother flower, petals glistening
in the bashful morning's dew.
Brother flower, when the sun shines
and the dew has flown away,
if you don’t mind weak and wrong rhymes,
brother flower, may I stay?

Brother flower, you ain’t lonely
for you’ve always been alone.
But I haven’t been so lucky
I had love and now it’s gone.
I have arms to hold another,
never to hold her again.
I have life to give a lover,
you have life to give the wind.

Brother flower, when the snow flies
and you lay your beauty down,
brother flower, are you sleeping
there upon the cold, cold ground?
Brother flower, please awaken,
show the sky your face of blue.
Let me know I ain’t forsaken.
Seems like all I have is you."

-TVZ

Horrible Moments In 21st Century History

"Marriage can be between any two people, any four people, any ten people. It could be any kind of relationship, and we can call it marriage. But it doesn't make it marriage. I can call this napkin a paper towel. But it is a napkin. Why? Because it is what it is." - Rick Santorum

I wish the devil would come in his eyes with semen hotter than lava.

The Anecdote

I approached the security desk to drop off my badge as I exited the building. The security officer was reading the Bible, and in particular was highlighting a passage in the book of Revelations. He accepted the badge from me and as he placed it in a drawer I inquired, "Good book?"

Great Moments In 21st Century Film

"You lost your wife. You lost your mom. I lost my nut."

Great Moments In 21st Century Music

"Niggas is jealous, but really I could care less.

I'm in hell's kitchen with an apron and a hairnet."

"What goes around comes around like a hula hoop.

Karma is a bitch? Well just make sure that bitch is beautiful."

 - Lil Wayne

---

Apparently we live in a world where it's necessary for someone to point out that "care less" and "hairnet" don't rhyme... What a world.

Great Moments In 20th Century Film

"I hired you people to try to get a little track laid. Not to jump around like a buncha Kansas City faggots!"

Señorita Spanish Rose

A coworker and I penned a Spanish love song for Carolina, the most beautiful woman in our office.
Please forgive the lack of accents.


ENCANTADO, MI AMOR

Encantado, mi amor
Soy lluvia, eres un flor
Te encontre en mi trabajo y me dio mucho calor
Se que tienes novio pero soy mejor

Gusto en conocerte, mi corazon
Quiero ser tu amante, no patron
Vamos a mi canton
podremos bailar un danzon

Oye mami, no me ignores, por favor
No me causes dolor
Aceptame y veras un resplandor
Sin ti mi vida no tiene valor

Encantado, mi amor

Great Moments In 21st Century Music

Dreams seem to exist to make sure that I never get to a place too far on the right side of fine.

"Those birthdays! I told you they're relationship killers. If a relationship is having any problems whatsoever, a birthday will always bring it out." - George Costanza

Ode To Salinger

I designed what might be my favorite t-shirt ever:

"I'd Have Sex With My Wife In A Stairwell" And Other Things Seen Today

I became part of a group admiring the display of a man and woman having sex in a public stairwell. We stood on the other side of the glass as the two copulated on the concrete floor of the stairwell, the woman supine and the man mounted. An admirer banged on the window to catch their attention, and the man looked to his audience in recognition and began making comedically emphatic gestures with his head and torso, embellishing the act of intercourse that he was engaged in. It was clear he felt like a rock star. The people that stood for it were amused and those walking past were disgusted. I yelled to the crowd, in earnestness soaked in sarcasm, "What we're witnessing here is a beautiful expression of love between two people." A guy closer up turned to the crowd and said, "Now that's a fuckin' skank." I told my friend who was shocked by what we were witnessing, partially in jest, "C'mon now. Maybe they're married." She joked that no married man would say to his wife that they should have sex in a stairwell. My reply was, "I'd have sex with my wife in a stairwell."

I also saw someone drew a penis on the wall of the public library.

And now to more appropriately utilize the title "Jesus Harold Christ On A Fucking Rubber Crutch"

Actual headline from January 28th, 2008: "Will Ferrell Receives James Joyce Award"

Future headline as my only option is now suicide:

What a world.

The Drawing

So I sent Rocco a drawing depicting a stick-figure version of himself standing in what I labeled on the page a pile of dog poop. When I spoke with him yesterday and asked him if he'd received my letter he said, somehow both genuinely and sarcastically, "Yes. It was delightful."

My own male psyche is something incomprehensible.

One minute it's longing for the intimacy associated with the warmth and revelation provided by the female being. The next minute it's only desire is a painful, nostalgic longing for the best Mario Brothers installment, Super Mario World made for Super Nintendo.

the beatles aren't fit to suck bob dylan's cock.

that should be a bumper sticker.

and elvis presley can't lick his asshole.

"Perhaps it’s the color of the sun cut flat
and coverin’ the crossroads I’m standing at.
Or maybe it’s the weather or something like that,
but mama, you been on my mind.

I don’t mean trouble, please don’t put me down or get upset.
I am not pleadin’ or sayin’, 'I can’t forget you.'
I do not walk the floor bowed down and bent, but yet,
mama, you been on my mind.

Even though my mind is hazy and my thoughts they might be narrow,
where you been don’t bother me nor bring me down in sorrow.
I don't even mind who you'll be waking with tomorrow,
mama, you’re just on my mind.

I am not askin’ you to say words like 'yes' or 'no',
please understand me. I got no place for you to go.
I’m just thinking to myself, so I can't pretend that I don't know,
mama, you been on my mind.

When you wake up in the mornin’, baby, look inside your mirror.
You know I won’t be next to you, you know I won’t be near.
I’d just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clear
as someone who has had you on his mind."

-BD

i wanna be with you - bruce springsteen

it could only be a mistake, a flaw in god's plan, that a woman that beautiful (inward and out) would ever want to be with me.

"I Sell Pussy!" And Other Stories From San Francisco

As I walked along the avenue three women passed me by, one carrying a thick wad of crumpled dollar bills she was trying to sort out. I said in a personable, congratulatory manner, "Damn. That's a lotta money girl." By this time they were behind me. The one carrying the money turned around and stated, "I sell pussy! That's how come I got all this money. You wanna buy some?"

I want to start a Prince cover band and call it Prints.

I offered Rocco a dollar to be my best buddy for life.
He turned down the dollar.
Said he would do it for free.

"The whole world's a bottle
           and life's but a dram.
When the bottle gets empty
           it sure ain't worth a damn."
                                - Bob Dylan

"Love, above any other sort of like touchy-feely thing, it is a profound social contract that you have with another person. And if you're married (particularly) that contract means you don't - you're not gonna lie to them." - David Bazan

What more can I say?

"You think you're free? Try going somewhere without fucking money!" - Bill Hicks

Great Moments In 21st Century Film

Soldier: Sir, we've located Condor.
(Condor is a fellow soldier who has been impaled upon a giant screw)
Captain: What's his condition?
Soldier: He's screwed.

I dream of people I knew in times past.
Where memories, like rivers, once stopped at the dam,
now they spread massively and powerfully wide as the ocean,
and I a panicked rower am adrift in unnavigable waters.

Comedy or Tragedy?

At work an associate of mine was orchestrating a potluck dinner for our coworker's birthday. She sent notice through an email to those of us on her team asking what we would bring. Two different women responded that they would bring salad. Then they said they would coordinate it so that they weren't bringing the same kind of salad. We got an email from one of them that read: "I'll bring Cesar."
To which I replied: "Et tu?"

---

Unfortunately, she didn't get it.

I brought a book with me to work today. A coworker asked what I was reading, so I held the book up to her and said, "It's Les Misérables." Her jocose appraisal was, "That's a huge book. I mean you might as well read War And Peace."
To which I replied: "Actually, I just finished that."