March 30, 2015

One of these days I will no longer be a total fuck-up.

One of these days.

March 20, 2015

I thought she wanted to be friends again. I was elated.

Turns out I was just the imaginary child Stewart Lee is talking to in this clip:

"Don't ever dream" – Stewart Lee

March 19, 2015

I dream she sends a
letter only four words long:
"Single now. Come home."

March 12, 2015

First she said she'd call. She didn't. Then she said she'd write. She didn't.

It's her loss.

Well, it's my loss too. I lost everything. I lost my heart.

Maybe it's just my loss.

---

New Orleans or San Francisco? That is the question.

"I Lost Everything" – Sam Cooke

March 8, 2015

I took Yolanda and Alondra to lunch at Waterfront, one of the oldest bars in San Diego. One of the bartenders went up to the jukebox next to where we were sitting and started selecting some songs. "Cleaning Windows" by Van Morrison came on. I asked if he had picked it and he said yes. Turns out he is a big Van Morrison fan.

Bartender: I saw him in concert a long time ago, it was amazing.
Me: Oh that's awesome. Here in San Diego?
Bartender: No, in Nashville. I used to live there.
Me: You saw Van Morrison in Nashville?
Bartender: Yeah.
Me: Was it at the Ryman?
Bartender: Yeah.
Me: In 2006?
Bartender: Yeah.
Me: I was at that show.

Turns out we were both at the same Van Morrison concert in Nashville, TN back in 2006.

---

When I walked back to my car I passed the tent of a homeless person. The tent was there when I first parked, but it had been zipped shut. When I went back to my car the tent entrance was open and there were two people inside lying down. There was a woman with her head resting on a man's belly. The woman was wearing nothing except a green tank top. She had no pants or underwear on and she was rubbing herself. They were both smiling and laughing and talking, without a care in the world. The woman smiled at me and I smiled and tipped my head to her. They seemed like a nice couple.

March 2, 2015

I need to give up.

She doesn't love me.

Yet my blood is always screaming for her and for her daughter. The love, care and the passion inside me echoes through the endless empty chambers of my heart.

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