The reason I live in a place without seasons is because I can't stand to see the seasons change without S by my side. But no matter where one lives, there are all the signs of time advancing.
Today, as I swept the fallen red leaves from the courtyard of the Salk Institute, beneath a blue sky brush-stroked by white cirrus clouds, I thought about all the passing thoughts of her mind and all the passing moments of her and R's life that I've missed, all the moments and thoughts that have gently descended to the courtyard of the world and been brushed away by a careless broom.
A broom collects dust, it collects moments, particles, presence and energy. My broom is always dreaming of her.
I think about all the moments in her life I've missed, not been a part of, and I collect them, I imagine them in my heart and I just hope that they're lovely for her. All I get, in my seasonless world, is the dust but I always acknowledge it and hope that the dust is remnants of entirely happy moments. I just love her so much that I hope she feels loved. In the end it doesn't matter if she feels it from me or from someone else.
I'm crying listening to this song. I can never hold back tears when I think of my Spring.
I am winter, she is spring. She's autumn too. I remember everything that spring can bring. How could I forget.
"You Can Never Hold Back Spring" – Tom Waits
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