My mother's always trying to get me to join online dating sites. She wants me to have a girlfriend and all that stuff.
Today I tricked her with some Tom Petty lyrics.
Me: So, I've started seeing someone.
Mom: What? Wait... is this a song? If that's true... tell me more... I'm on my way back to work from the eye dr so u can call me... if u want... Oh come on...
Me: That's not a song.
Mom: Tell me. Where did u meet?
Me: She's awesome. She's a good girl. Loves her mama.
Mom: Aww. Call me and tell me.
Me: Loves Jesus, and America too.
Mom: Wait... you suck. Liar. Sigh. Should have known. Your mean.
Me: She's crazy about Elvis.
Mom: Mean mean mean.
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In S news, I was at work and realized that sometimes the thing that hurts the most is that I thought I knew her in a special way, and it pains me to think that maybe I never knew her at all. It's its own unique different kind of loss, not knowing someone so special to you. Every day that I miss of her and R's life is like a knife in my chest.
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I sent my friends in New York a postcard today. Their house number is 109.
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I sincerely need a blow job.
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