Dinosaur With Headphones

When I'm dying (and while I'm alive), and the book of my regrets is being frantically written in my head, I'm sure my biggest regrets will be no more complicated than these:

I never got to kick a soccer ball around with R. The two of us playfully kicking a ball over crackling autumn leaves in a park would be magic.

I never got to take heR on a bike ride. I never got to see her grow. I never got to sing with heR in the car or the living room or be silly goofy dancing with heR giving her mother all kinds of smiles.

I never got to be there for S. I never got to share her life with her. I never got to be the man whose arms she crawled into at the end of a long day. I didn't get to be her home.

I never get to feel her hands through my hair again as she talks to me. Her brain and her voice used to make me feel warm and sweet, like a perfect lovely summer afternoon complemented by a cool breeze... like placing your feet (ugh, don't get me started on her gorgeous feet) in a flowing fresh river on a hot day.

I never get to feel her lips upon my wrist. She used to kiss my heartbeat and it made me feel like a melted clock in a Dalí painting. I never got the chance to make S happy. I never got the chance to be her man. Never got the chance to prove that I would never do her wrong.

Basically, I regret (and will forever regret) every moment since they have diSappeaRed from my life, because every moment since has been utterly useless to me.

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Bill Withers is the man.

He's best known for composing the classic songs "Ain't No Sunshine", "Just The Two Of Us" and "Lean On Me", but he has an extensive and beautiful catalogue that is too often ignored. I remember the first time I saw Amos Lee in concert. It was at The Mill in Iowa City, and pre-show he was playing Bill's Live At Carnegie Hall album over the sound system. After the show, when I met Amos, I asked him about his musical influences in general and then about Bill in particular, because you never know if the sound system music is the performing artist's choice or just the sound guy's. In that case, it was Amos's.

Anyway. This song, from Bill's last album circa 1985, has been my absolute jam today, accompanying my regretful dreams:

"Something That Turns You On" – Bill Withers