I been trying to steal you from "my best friend, Jim" since the moment I met you.

Ways To Tell If You're Weird

If your portable music device shuffles "You Won't Let Me Go" by Ray Charles, "Like A Virgin" by Madonna, "It Hurts To Tell You" by James Brown and "One Day You'll Be Mine" by Usher together, and you sing all of them in your car with equal accuracy and enthusiasm, you're probably weird.

I started reading an analysis of J.D. Salinger's "De Daumier-Smith's Blue Period" and midway through found myself bawling uncontrollably.

happy holidays Matt Phillips, you bastard

"Dear Stephen,

Thank you for submitting your writing to A Year in Ink. We received a high number of excellent submissions, and are sorry to inform you that your writing will not be included in this year's anthology.

We thank you for allowing us to read your work, and encourage you to submit next year. Best wishes on your writing, and happy holidays!

Sincerely,

Matt Phillips, Anthology Coordinator (Vol. 8)"

Why isn't there a "rescind" button for email yet? Seriously, that idea is a home run. I'll take my billion dollars now, Google.

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I walked along a cliff overlooking the ocean, listening to the Irish band The Pogues. I recently acquired their last two albums that they made without their original frontman Shane MacGowan. I was skeptical of them, since Shane seemed to be the poet, but they're great albums.

Been thinking today that it's been over four years since I heard her voice. That's crazy to me. Truly crazy.

"Sometimes I'd wake up in the morning,
the ginger lady by my bed.
Covered in a cloak of silence
I'd hear you talking in my head.

I'm not singing for the future.
I'm not dreaming of the past.
I'm not talking of the first time,
I never think about the last.

Now the song is nearly over,
we may never find out what it means.
Still, there's a light I hold before me.
You're the measure of my dreams."

That last line. Damn.

Great Moments In 21st Century Texting

Generally speaking, I don't open up to anyone. But, once in a great while, I open up to my sister.

My sister said she was falling asleep so I said, "Up for a woman question or hold off?"
Sis: "Go for it."
Me: "If an ex who is with someone else sends a pic with her naked breast in it and acts nonchalant about it how should a guy interpret that?"
Sis: "Like she's looking for attention. Wth like just outta the blue?"
Me: "Well I email her once in a while and she normally doesn't respond. Then a couple weeks ago she was like, 'I'll send you some pictures.' She emails me about twice a year."
Sis: "Ummmm, that seems weird to throw a boob in there. She's toying with you it seems to me. If I were you I'd act like it didn't phase me."
Me: "Yeah well. I'm me. I fucked it up already. She has awesome boobs though."
Sis: "Lol tmi haha"
Me: "Yeah I'd probably been better off not knowing her boobs are awesome too."

Great Moments In 21st Century Television

If you haven't seen season 4 of The Wire then chances are your knowledge of the American education system is severely lacking.

The Wire – Season 4: Education

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The time that 30 Rock perfectly represented the internet:

Liz Lemon Online