Most of my beautiful memories are sunk by some kind of sorrow, heavy or heavier. But this one floats:
And that's only a remnant of the experience.
February 8, 2012
February 7, 2012
February 4, 2012
A dream(s) has left me nauseated.
I was in a made up bar that was extremely beautiful in a made up town in Ireland. I was with three dear friends. We were drinking and many fascinating characters filled our night with interactions. I was drinking from a bottle of Jameson and water on the side. But by night's end my friends were for some reason disgusted with me. They abandoned me and drove back in our one car to our hotel which was in a different city. The bar closed and I was left stumbling in my underwear, struggling to carry my bag and its contents which had spilled out onto the floor. I set everything on the ground outside and it blew away, in spite of the fact that there was no wind. I was crying for my friends, unclear as to why they had left me. And I was filled with self-loathing. I started walking home, lost in a panic.
---
Perhaps in a separate dream I found myself on a lawn that represented S's home and she was walking past me. I asked softly, hopefully, if she loved me still and she said no. In the dream I could feel my paper heart tearing into invisible crumbs. I begged for answers as to why we had parted and she, so cold and somewhat vicious toward me, said for starters it was because of calling and hanging up 20 times. Her answer contained something else though, some other interpretation of my own actions. I asked her, "Don't you understand why I did it?" The answer being the desire to repeatedly hear her voice, but she did not request the answer. She too was disgusted with me.
---
Sleep, why hast thou forsaken me.
I was in a made up bar that was extremely beautiful in a made up town in Ireland. I was with three dear friends. We were drinking and many fascinating characters filled our night with interactions. I was drinking from a bottle of Jameson and water on the side. But by night's end my friends were for some reason disgusted with me. They abandoned me and drove back in our one car to our hotel which was in a different city. The bar closed and I was left stumbling in my underwear, struggling to carry my bag and its contents which had spilled out onto the floor. I set everything on the ground outside and it blew away, in spite of the fact that there was no wind. I was crying for my friends, unclear as to why they had left me. And I was filled with self-loathing. I started walking home, lost in a panic.
---
Perhaps in a separate dream I found myself on a lawn that represented S's home and she was walking past me. I asked softly, hopefully, if she loved me still and she said no. In the dream I could feel my paper heart tearing into invisible crumbs. I begged for answers as to why we had parted and she, so cold and somewhat vicious toward me, said for starters it was because of calling and hanging up 20 times. Her answer contained something else though, some other interpretation of my own actions. I asked her, "Don't you understand why I did it?" The answer being the desire to repeatedly hear her voice, but she did not request the answer. She too was disgusted with me.
---
Sleep, why hast thou forsaken me.
February 3, 2012
Today I wrote a joke.
Why did the the 17th century visionary poet John Milton get upset at the craps table?
Because his pair a dice lost.
---
Yes.
Because his pair a dice lost.
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Yes.
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