I saw the moon alone last night.

I was listening to "Invisible City" by The Wallflowers on repeat, sitting on a cliff overlooking the ocean. I watched the shining moon sit high and still as a thin veil of clouds mistily kissed its way through the lit air. The clouds were clinging to the light of the moon like reverent worshippers surrounding their beloved but not disturbing. And far down below it all was a black ocean, with a field of diamonds sparkling off the crests of the waves. The ocean looked like a flawless friend.

The light of the moon is a gorgeous thing. But, of course, that light belongs to the sun, not to the clouds that worship it or the ocean waves that consume it.

The moon is beautiful, but it doesn't belong to the cloudy man who sits and watches it shine with his heart full of love for every side of it, its light and its dark. The moon does not belong to anything, even though it wears the sun's dress and dances with the earth. The moon does not love the earth, but it helps the earth raise the ocean. The moon is alone and always leaving. The clouds chase it and cannot reach it.

I saw the moon alone last night.

I started sobbing on a drive home. I was listening to "Cyprus Avenue" by Van Morrison. I was remembering her holding my hand while my eyes teared up as I listened to Van performing that song live at the Hollywood Bowl many years ago.

I wasn't just crying that long ago night in LA because I was hearing Van play that song live, I was also crying because I believed in love and because She was holding my hand and because She was with me and She was beautiful and all my heart was for her. Her hand in my hand is the most gracious thing I've ever felt.

I loved her and she was with me and I believed she loved me and I was crying tears of joy.

Great Moments In 21th Century Film/"Miluju tebe."

Once is an Irish film from 2007 starring Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová. Glen plays a struggling musician who falls in love with Markéta, a Czech immigrant who has a daughter and an absent husband that she does not connect with. There's a scene where Glen asks Markéta how to say, "Do you love him?" in Czech. She tells him, and then he asks her. Her response, which the film leaves untranslated, is "Miluju tebe." She doesn't tell him what it means, but it translates to: "It is you I love."

In a music shop in Dublin they play one of his songs together, a song called "Falling Slowly". It is their most intimate moment.

Music shop scene – Once

I saw her in a dream again. She said some things to me.

Right now all I can think about is making love to her. I want to be inside her, making her happy and feeling her mouth bite my thumb or kiss me as she climaxes. I want to feel the happiness that comes from pleasing her.

Because the final time that she looked at me, she looked at me as though I were one big human mistake.

That memory burns me.

This brilliant goal by Iniesta and Neymar is a fresh example of why Andrés Iniesta is my favorite soccer player in the world:

Iniesta assists Neymar

Barcelona are now headed into the semi-finals of the Champions League. The Champions League is the most prestigious competition in soccer, apart from the World Cup.

I need to start dating again.

Or kill myself.

They sound equally appealing.

I'm going to see Damien Rice on Friday. It's going to be bittersweet, but at this point in life what the fuck isn't?

I know I'm going to lose it when he plays "The Greatest Bastard", "Accidental Babies" and/or "9 Crimes".

I can't figure what I said so wrong that she won't talk to me but it doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

"Leave me out with the waste."

I feel like I'm waste to her.

Her silence is so powerfully painful.

She's not writing me and it's basically the worst.

But I've been looking at a picture she sent me of her and her daughter smiling and it keeps me warm all the time. Her smile melts and crushes me.

That's entrainment.

Apparently Percy Sledge died in Louisiana today. He's best known for the song "When A Man Loves A Woman".

My personal favorite of his: "True Love Travels On A Gravel Road" – Percy Sledge

Fucked up my hand at work today. It hurts. When I was driving home all I could think was that I wish I was heading home to her and that she would greet me with a kiss. I looked at her picture only about a million times today.

It took me forever to type this.

Today I miss most the feeling of her running her hand slowly through my hair, my hand in her hair and on her cheeks. I miss holding her face in my hands and looking into her eyes, seeing her smile.

I can't see any point to a life that doesn't allow me to see her face every day.

Also, I miss her breasts. I want to blindfold her and explore her with my mouth. Fuck, I want to work her body out so much.

Say something. It's been over six months. I'm giving up on you.

Does he make you laugh like I used to? Does he make you feel special? Then just be happy with him and quit pretending to care about me once or twice a year.

I miss Kurt Vonnegut. He died eight years ago (4/11/07). He was born in 1922, the same year Ulysses was published.

Great Moments In 21st Century Television

One of my favorite Dave Chappelle moments: Calling people crazy – Dave Chappelle

Sigh.

I would kill to hear her voice once again.

S is the only person who ever made me feel like I wasn't a freak. She made me feel special.

I lost that feeling long ago.

I'll never forget the first day I met R. The way she and S made me feel that day is undoubtedly the best feeling I've ever had. Probably the best day of my life. That day and the first day S and I made love.

Now she doesn't talk to me.

I guess it all wasn't as good for her as it was for me.

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I guess I said something wrong. Perhaps, in retrospect, I shouldn't have mentioned cunnilingus.

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I need a blowjob.

I need to wrap her warmly in my arms once again. The way she fit in my arms was soothing electric blanket magic.